The Wives Edit #4 Sofia Vergara [Jane Seymour]

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Henry was married to his third wife Sofia Vergara [Jane Seymour] for 18 months. So, most importantly, let’s figure out who SHE was. Sofia is said to have been gentle and peaceful. Despite her reported Colombian heritage, Sofia chanced the trip to the British Isles after a previous marriage, graciously slipped into the role as the maid-of-honour to both of the previous Queens of Henry’s Empire, Penelope Cruz and Serena Williams. Sofia witnessed first-hand the mistakes of Serena, and looked to reconcile them in court during her time as Queen Bee to the PM – which was strategic in her own right. Tragically Sofia died after the birthing of Henry’s first son, and far from Serena’s funeral rites: Sofia was respected. Henry a handful of wives later ended up laying to rest beside her in their grave. 

Why was Sofia the perfect match for our very strategic Henry? 

  1. It is reported Henry got a sniff that Sofia in fact bore a son in her previous relationship. Based on the mass longitudinal experiments Henry had begun working on with his consortium of researchers, women who bore one son were >50% likely to have a son the second time round. [Sofia gave birth to her first child at age 20, son Manolo Gonzalez Vergara]. 
  2. Vergara… it has a Southern America ring to it – right? Henry’s conquests were bound to scale to South America at some stage, and despite its unprecedented appeal, having a wife with ties on the ground could reap some serious benefits. El Salvador recently announced they accept Bitcoin as a tender.
  3. Sofia herself was infamously quite timid, a handmaid to both of Henry’s previous wives. We suspect here at Henry’s Wives + Ethan that perhaps Sofia may have been a key orchestrator in his cohort of spies. 

So, now we really see where it was all going when the PM made his move on Sofia Vergara…. High Probability of Son-Bearing, South America Conquest & other related Exploits, and Major Spy Potential.

And indeed, Henry got what he was looking for. A son. His sole heir to the throne and his kingdom and the successor of his strategic stumbling’s: Edward VI. Later better known as RowdiEd333, using Henry’s ties to line himself up gigs at all the biggest festivals worldwide.

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