Tudors Tackle the Tango: Henry sidesteps into Latin America with virtuous Vergara

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Joint publication by Molly Carles & Jenna Lake

A lot of rumours and whispers have been circling recently about the possible motivations behind King-turned-PM Henry’s latest strategic move. It’s clear the resurrected royal has set his eyes on Latin America recently and took the first step to conquest by marrying the virtuous Sofia Vergara. 

A bit of historical research will tell anyone that Henry spent his early life watching as his father was King of the only European power to stay out of the conquests of Central and South America. Henry’s father focused instead on the Northern continent and famously sponsored John Cabot who discovered Newfoundland (a modern-day Canadian province) making England the first European power to make a landing in North America since the Vikings  (Atreed, 2000). Henry was too young to remember relishing in these successes and instead spent his formative years watching idly as the Iberian powers bathed in the immense riches from their conquests of Central & South America and advanced leaps and bounds as his father’s reign was drained by rebellions and uprisings (Child, 2012). After taking back Anglo-Saxon North America with the help of Trump earlier in his Prime Ministerial career, it is clear that Henry wants to do what his father never could and take Latin America from the Latins. 

Left: Native American Cultures present in North America prior to Henry VII’s reign in 1500s (source) | Right: The state of American colonisation after Henry VII’s reign in 1600s (source)

Hollywood sources say Henry’s first wife, Penelope Cruz, introduced him to the popular television show Modern Family which stars Sofia Vergara, to aid his reintegration to modern society. Henry was instructed by his Westminster colleagues to treat it as a case study of suburban life in the 21st century and observe the political attitudes before commandeering Canada and the U.S. Vergara was a close friend to Cruz at the time of her royal marriage and even stood as her maid of honour at the ceremony. We think it’s safe to say that their friendship crashed and burned the second Vergara married her friend’s ex-husband, but before that the ladies even made a popular hair brand commercial together in 2013.

The Prime Minister quickly became infatuated with Sofia, and soon became curious about her life and her background. He asked around his social circles about her – lucky for him Sofia was actually friends with both his previous wives! This seems to be a bit of a conflict of interest but Henry does not seem to care about those much in his life. He is powerful enough not to have to – much to the chagrin of most people around him.

He soon learned of Sofia’s family ties from back in Colombia. Most interesting and soon to prove most useful to him, was her connection to Sebastian Marroquin (Juan Pablo Escobar), Pablo Escobar’s son.

This was interesting to him because although he had not been resurrected yet at the time of Pablo’s reign, he had seen Netflix’s Narcos. Pablo was so powerful with the cartel network’s ability to smuggle drugs along with information and completely circumvent traditional government and authorities was something Henry admired. It must have reminded him of his old friend Thomas Cromwell and his vast system of spies (Swift, 2010), as he soon made it his mission to meet this Sebastian Marroquin. He most likely saw this as his opportunity to get a foot in the door in Latin America – which, if he was lucky, could lead to some successful expansion for him in the future.

He missed the control and influence that his spy network had – and saw Escobar and the cartels as a modern day emulation of this, albeit in an immensely different context. He was aware of the relationship between Escobar and the government as well, how he had both been an elected congressman at one point and also had allegedly been involved in the Palace of Justice Siege (Woody, 2018). Although he does not condone this sort of violence, he was flabbergasted again by his power and willingness to be involved with the government.

As we all know, he succeeded in marrying Sofia Vergara and soon was meeting her family and friends. He started a seemingly innocent friendship with Sebastian Marroquin, his intentions not yet visible. After a friendship was established, he started to strategise and brought Sebastian in to help.

Sebastián Marroquín (Left) and an aged Prime Minister Henry (Right)

He soon took advantage of his friend’s connections all throughout Latin America. Although the Medellin cartel no longer exists and Sebastian is not a drug lord, his father was one of the most powerful. He still benefited from this status – people respected him and he was well known in the cartels, even if not involved. Sebastian has made even more connections since, seeking out his father’s victims to apologise for his father’s ruthlessness and violence (Armitage, 2019). Henry’s intention throughout the friendship was to gain access to these connections, and he achieved just that. Henry was using Sebstian and Sebastian was up for it, becoming Henry’s go-to man in Latin America. One might even say he replaced Cromwell and was Henry’s new “pet dog” (Swift, 2010).

There is lots of talk here about how he infiltrated the cartel’s network, but to actually take over, he had to put this to use. Taking after Pablo getting elected Congressman in 1982 (Noiser Podcasts, 2020), it is alleged that Henry has arranged for someone under his influence to be elected to a government position in a neighbouring country, but this is not yet confirmed. Intelligence sources are betting that it will be a Deputy in the Legislative Assembly of El Salvador, now that the country has become the first in the world to accept a cryptocurrency as legal tender since September ‘21 (BBC, 2022).

Stay tuned for the next Strategic Saturdays post divulging the details of Henry’s integration of blockchain technologies into his campaign!


Armitage, H., 2019. Sins Of My Father Explores Pablo Escobar From His Son’s Perspective. [online] ScreenRant. Available at: https://screenrant.com/sins-my-father-pablo-escobar-documentary/

Attreed, L., 2000. Henry VII and the “New-Found Island”: England’s Atlantic Exploration, Mediterranean Diplomacy, and the Challenge of Frontier Sexuality. In: Mediterranean Studies Vol. 9. Pennsylvania, USA: Penn State University Press, pp. 65-78.

BBC, 2022. IMF urges El Salvador to remove Bitcoin as legal tender. BBC World News – Latin America, 26 Jan. [Online] Available at: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-60135552

Child, D., 2012. Tudors in America: how England’s New World colonies came into being. BBC History Magazine, Issue October,. [Online] Available at: https://www.historyextra.com/period/tudor/tudors-in-america-how-englands-new-world-colonies-came-into-being/

Noiser Podcasts, 2020. THE BLOODY CONSEQUENCES OF PABLO ESCOBAR’S POLITICAL ASPIRATIONS. [online] Noiser Podcasts. Available at: https://www.noiser.com/realnarcos/stories/2020/4/27/the-bloody-consequence-of-pablo-escobars-political-aspirations

Swift, D., 2010. Famous Spy Masters through the ages. [online] General History. Available at: https://general-history.com/famous-spy-masters-through-the-ages/.

Woody, C., 2018. Colombia Palace of Justice siege Pablo Escobar-backed leftist rebels. [online] Business Insider. Available at: https://www.businessinsider.com/colombia-palace-of-justice-siege-2016-11?r=US&IR=T

About Post Author

Molly Carles

Final year computer science and business student studying strategic information systems. Head of Tabloid Tuesdays at Henry's Queens + Ethan
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